Happy Anniversary!

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Happy 5 years to us!

It's been a while....

Well, I'm back! Sorry for the temporary delay in blogging, but as they say "life happens".. It's already Wednesday, and in less than 5 days, I'll be back to the grind. Damn it!

I can say that the first week of my Christmas break was by far the happiest, best week that I've had in a really long time! It was nothing more than playing mommy and loving to do what I long for- playing Mommy all day! It was 4 days full of playing, baking, teaching, consoling, loving, snuggling, and just having plain ol fun with my girls! The only thing missing was Jeremy walking through the door at suppertime! I keep praying for God to place me in my home full time, or even half time if at all possible. I feel that this is part of the reason we were lead to join the Dave Ramsey class. Maybe manage our money better, then we have more saved and more realization as to what we need, don't need, and how much we can truly get by with. But then there's that little materialistic devil that lives on my shoulder that's constantly whispering "you do like that nice car, you do like those nice clothes, you do like to take small family trips, you do like to dress your children nicely, etc. etc. etc." And that's where it gets me. Can I learn to do without such things temporarily? I honestly, at this point, can answer that with NO! I like to have nice things! But I also feel that God is directing me to a "change" in my life, and is wanting me to realize the value in non-materialistic things! I have struggled with materialism for as long as I can remember! Hey-atleast I'm upfront with my struggles and not in denial!

Christmas was by far the biggest whirlwind that I've ever experienced. 6 Christmases in 2 days... won't do that one again. When it gets to the point that your kid doesn't have any interest in opening another present, to the point that there is such chaos going on that you notice your child is missing and is crying in a corner in the other room b/c the crown fell off her barbie and no one noticed her to help her--- I draw the line. We spent all day Monday recuperating Jaylee from utter EXHAUSTION. That is not the meaning of Christmas, and as much as I was looking forward to my child being spoiled those two days, the effect was quite the opposite. She has put her toys to the side, and has literally for two days, slept on and off and had no interest in her new things. I actually put a bunch of the toys in a closet, and we will gradually pull them out along the way. Hopefully with Christmas on a Tuesday next year we will be able to spread them out amongst Friday/Saturday/Sunday/Monday/Tuesday and maybe it will be a little less overwhelming!

I, myself, was spoiled as well this Christmas! Some of my top faves as gifts were-

#1- my TOMS! (Yes, they aren't that expensive but as a Mother I almost feel guilty buying things for myself like that!)
#2- Keurig Maker- NOPE- Not a coffee drinker but it sure brews some of the best iced tea- Black tea and Lemonade is ranking as my fave currently! Also- another something that I would never, EVER, buy myself!
#3- BEEF! My parents put up a beef and it is currently being processed to be put in the freezer. YAY for having fresh meat that is 10 times better than grocery store meat!
#4- A card with money that said "Go Shopping Mommy!"- I get a day away by myself or with a friend to pamper and spoil myself and buy nothing but only for myself.
#5- A one night stay at the Great Wolf Lodge courtesy of my in-laws!

Last but not least--- my husband bought some very, thoughtful, little things that I truly needed, but would never just go out and buy because I could "manage" with what I had- for instance- I mentioned a few times I needed new kitchen towels, a can opener, a mini sized crock pot, a nice cookie sheet like all the Food Network Chefs use, a card reader for my computer, and an i-tunes gift card. None of those things would I ever go out and just buy because I already have towels, a can opener, a crock pot, cookie sheets, that work just "fine" and can get my by. I thought it was very thoughtful of him to take notice of things that I truly NEEDED! I had recently tried putting pictures on a digital picture frame for a Christmas gift, and it was quite the pain since our laptop does not include a card reader. Now I have one! I also wanted to purchase the Lady Antebellum album from itunes- but once again- wouldn't waste money on such things not needed! So- I was very impressed at his insight to noticing things that I could truly "use" and "need".

Counting down the days.....

Well....Here is my week......

Christmas Faculty party Sunday night

Find out about a Christmas Dance Party that night at 9 pm and am notified at 3 AM to bring something sweet! Ha! Hope those girls loved their Cheetos! :)

Dance Party-- checked off the list!

Gifts for dance teachers- checked off the list!

Grade papers like crazy last night and get grades entered by 9 this morning so my boss can leave early on Friday, only to find out after entering them, that they will not be opening the gradebook until Friday morning. THANKS ALOT!

Christmas program practice was early this morning- and instead of taking my kids for music during their normal time for my conference, I didn't get a conference..... Grrrrrr

My house looks like WW III has taken place....

Still waiting on mr. repairman to fix my dishwasher (been 3 weeks since they ordered parts!)

Christmas program tonight at 6 P.M.

More Christmas projects/crafts to do at school tomorrow..... pack for the big trip Thursday

Cowboy's Stadium here we come Thursday!!!! Go Moguls!

Get home late Thursday night- throw class party on Friday morning- then stay til 3 PM to check off on grades that have been entered since 9 TUESDAY morning.....

FINALLY........CHRISTMAS VACATION STARTS!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired of the "convenience" factor.......

Recently.....

Obviously, you know that our town lost a very, very amazing woman this past weekend. Although I, personally, was not as close to her, I could not help but just sob for her loved ones, the lives that she touched, and her family left behind. I continue to pray for God's loving arms to be wrapped around her husband and two sons. Going through such a tragedy right before Christmas two years in a row, is certainly unfair. I'll never understand why things happen this way, and it is definitely one of my questions that I will have for God when I get there.

Saturday night's concert.....totally EXCEEDED my expectations. To be perfectly honest I was looking forward to just having a date with my husband, never expected to be as blown away by their concert as I was. Their show was phenomenal and I'll definitely be attending the next time they come! My husband even commented on how awesome it was, and he rarely comments on anything.......

Making the list and checking it twice is what's going on with the Christmas shopping! I am down to the last 5 gifts and so far, everything has been paid for, in cash, and I am ever so proud! I recently read that 65% of Americans will still be paying for Christmas by next July. Isn't that a shame? We had a discussion yesterday at Church over the true meaning of Christmas and how all the hoopla of the decorating and gift giving is totally unnecessary! Our teacher made the comment that if we asked God today what he thought about Christmas....would God even care? Our response was "Probably not." We should be more focused on him dying on the cross for our sins rather than getting the latest electronic gadget and so forth.

As for our household, we are sticking to the nativity scene with gift giving. When Jesus was born, the three wise men came and gave him three gifts- F, G, and M. So... in order to stick to the true meaning of Christmas, our kids get 3 gifts a piece to open on Christmas morning. They get one Fun thing, one Garment, and one thing for their Mind. They also get their big toy from Santa on Christmas morning, and that special package from their Daddy. I started the Daddy thing two years ago, because there is something special to me about a little girl and their Daddy. So Jeremy goes and picks out one gift from him.

Anyways- tonight's lesson is all about bargaining.... I'll update soon!

Quote......

I never asked for you to agree with my decision, I only ask that you be respectful of it.......

Rollin~Rollin~Rollin

Whew! My mind is a rollin~rollin~rollin..... lots of thoughts and homework to do this week!!

First off--- cancelling our life insurance policy--- I thought we had the right thing- turns out we are way, under insured and have the absolute worse policy that one can have (if any of you that read this work for the school and you have probably the same one we do- I'd look into other policies!)

Secondly- time to shop for better health insurance- I've known that what I have is horrible for quite some time-- but typically--I didn't know what else to do!

Thirdly- we do have good auto insurance- yay!

Fourthly- our house is under insured and if it was to burn today- we couldn't even replace the house, much less it's contents! Also- time to take pics of the most important things in teh house to keep on file incase there ever was a fire-- we have proof of contents!

Fifthly- my disability insurance is a huge plus and I was very smart for taking that out when I did! The amount that I have paid in, still has not equaled to the amount that I have received on both rounds of maternity leave!!!

God is Good....All the Time!

Well, as many of you have questioned about my facebook post last night, the good news regarding Jeremy's job was that he got yet, another raise!!! I wasn't expecting this since he got one just a few months ago; especially since the boss had seemed to be really high strung/tight wod here lately. I was bubbling when Jeremy told me last night. I immediately thanked God for his continual blessing. Jeremy was slightly disappointed that it wasn't more, but I told him that EVERY PENNY counts and look how much God has continued to bless us through this job...... Anyways.... it's exactly as I posted last night...... it was definitely a big risk that we took a year ago.... never, ever, did we imagine it lasting this long or making our life this comfortable to live! Thankfully we met Dave Ramsey in this process and are learning how to manage the "extra".


I cannot even express how stressful life used to be...... I remember after coming home from harvest 2 years ago, and Jaylee was on baby food, I was counting baby food jars in order to see how many we had until the next paycheck. I remember not being able to buy hardly anything in order to make sure we had baby food and diapers for Jaylee. I remember not buying any school clothes to start the year out with, because flat out, we didn't have it. One specific night, I recall counting 13 jars of baby food, and it had to last us until the next paycheck....... I remember praying many many nights for God to just get us through and to mainly keep providing for Jaylee. Unexpectedly my mother in law would show up with a bag of baby food and a box of diapers that she would have picked up on a recent shopping trip. Talk about answered prayers! I even remember, before we had kids, that I was on the way home from seeing Jeremy in kansas on corn harvest and I was SO upset that I couldn't buy pumpkins to put in our yard. PUMPKINS--yes PUMPKINS! I remember crying that night about how broke I was to not even be able to buy a stupid vegetable that was going to rot away in my yard! I remember the constant fight of not having enough money to pay the bills and us both not knowing what to do. There were many, many nights of laying in bed just crying because I knew of nothing else to do.............

The biggest change.........I read DR's book 2 1/2 years ago.....and I tried to begin the process that we are on now, then. However, my husband wasn't onboard, and when two people are on different pages---it doesn't work. For some reason, he was just as ready as I was this time to make a change and he realized that just because he was the saver that he had some changes to do as well. I cannot tell you the difference DR has made on our marriage. We no longer fight about money. Budgeting with an allocated zero budget makes it to where every dollar is accounted for and there is no "extra" to fight over as to where it goes. Budgeting does not mean you can't have a life either. We are going to a concert and to dinner this coming weekend! You just have to learn to live within your means and put some things on hold for a while. Just because I want new floors in my house....does not mean I go and apply for a Lowe's credit card and pay it out. Just because I want a new bedroom suit (because we still have no head board/footboard) does not mean that I go to the finest furniture shop and finance it. What it means is that I put in my budget "furniture" and I start saving a little each month into that envelope.....then when there is enough....I take my cash and buy exactly what I want (maybe get that discount too when they see the cash!) and on the drive home I get to be excited because I know it was paid for, IN CASH, and there will not be a taunting bill coming in each month, that I have to make a payment on. If I did go the financing route, I do make a payment, and I am 3 days late on that payment, and that 0% interest skyrockets to 24.9%...... Urgh.....thank goodness we have learned that this is NOT the way to live!

Don't get me wrong, God definitely provided for us. I know many people think that we never "roughed it" but, we did, you probably just never saw it. Just because we didn't start out with just a card table and two chairs, does not mean that we didn't have our struggles like everyone else has had. Not many people display their struggles, especially when it comes to finances. I definitely see now how he did nothing but teach us a lesson on handling money and making us learn to be appreciative.

NOW....looking back, it has been worth it. It definitely makes us appreciate what we do have. I am very proud of my husband for his job and doing what he does in order to provide for us. Even though he is not the mushy, gushy, lovey dovey type..... he definitely displays his love in his ways of providing for his family.

3 Days.....

Mmmm! Mmmm! I can hardly wait..... Makes my mouth water just looking at it.....

My little family.......

I've Fallen In Love......

I've fallen in love...with nothing materialistic...but simply a bible verse. Since day one, Dave Ramsey has given us this verse and I have fallen in love with it:

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain"
--Proverbs 31:10-11

Tonights Lesson" The Role of Insurance"-- am really interested in this because since day one of being a grown up and paying for insurance- I HAVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT! So hopefully I will have many of my questions- answered!

As for our budget- well-- I've began to do all the figuring/totaling to see how far over/under we are! I can tell you though that we paid off a big chunk of debt this month and that was a huge plus! I can also tell you that we got 75% of Christmas bought, and paid for, in cash! We also were able to pay for an $800 pickup repair, in cash, plus an additional $100 in parts. (This repair wasn't budgeted, in ink, since we were unsure of what the final figure would be!)

And now-- it's the end of the month--- and we get to start this all over again. I know now why he said it takes 3 months to make a budget work, because you don't budget for somethings, and some things, you over budget for! So- we are starting to get the hang of this!

Finally, I do want to express that I'm tried of the budgeting remarks being made. First off- EVERYONE-YES EVERYONE- should operate on a monthly budget. Hardly anyone does because they don't have the will power, the discipline, or the want to. Lots of people can't do a budget because, plain and simple, they don't want to take the time and see how careless they are with their money.

REASONS WE SHOULD ALL DO A MONTHLY BUDGET:
1. A written plan removes the management by crisis from your finances.
2. Managed money goes farther.
3. A written plan, if actually lived and agreed on, will remove much of the guilt, shame, and fear that may now be a part of buying necessities such as food or clothing.
3. A written plan, if actually lived and agreed on, will remove alot of stress from your life. (VERY TRUE)
4. A written plan, if actually lived and agreed on, will show if you are OVERSPENDING.

I was recently having a conversation amongst a group of people, and one was about to make a big purchase for something. They remarked: "But it's 0% financing for X months"-- I wanted to stand up, scream, and shout, NO NO NO NO NO you CRAZY person! Don't ever ever ever finance anything other than cars and homes in your life! When you walk into a store to buy something, you either pay cash, or take what cash you do have and save it up to buy it. Chances are, you take all that cash with you in the store, throw it on the table, and 9 times out of 10, you will get a 15-20% just from paying cash. If they don't offer you that discount- then you walk out of that store-WITH YOUR CASH-and take it to the next store. They make other "things" like the "thing" you are wanting. You don't HAVE to buy it there. You don't have to STRESS about a monthly payment when you pay for it in CASH!

OFF MY SOAP BOX! (until tomorrow!)

5 Days....

Here lately.......

Yes, I know, it has been quite a while since I last blogged, but for very good reason. What time I did have available here lately to blog, I had been using to game plan a strategy for black Friday! My mother and I hit the shopping trail Thursday evening at 8:30, and returned back at 9 on Friday morning. I don't think I could have gone another minute. I was completely zonked! We did however get some incredible deals and got a huge chunk marked off our lists! Yay for us!!

Thanksgiving was filled with many blessings. Our weekend started with an engagement party for Jeremy's cousin. Then a day full of food and laughter on Thursday at Mimi's house. Black Friday shopping then game, then the day of recuperating was what happened for the remainder of the day. My husband, was by far, AMAZING! He kept the girls while I shopped but as I got home, I really, so badly, just wanted to sleep. My husband let me sleep, well Jentri slept with me, while he watched Jaylee. He then woke me up for lunch. I cleaned the mess, got Jentri and went BACK to bed...woke back up about 5:30 (because he woke me up questioning if I was going to sleep all day) and so I just got up and moved to the couch and slept some more! All the while he was playing Betty Crocker and making homemade dough for some jalapeno cheddar kolaches! We then ate supper, cleaned that mess up, watched Elf on the Shelf with Jaylee. This is a new tradition we are starting this year! Then we all got the dough back out, kneaded it and started rolling it out. Jaylee had a BLAST! She had already taken a bath prior to this activity, but we ended back up in the tub afterwards. She had flour from head to toe and all over her face/hair...it was caked into her hair! I loved every minute of it! Then Saturday was another day of Thanksgiving with the Lowe Family....then my husband and I attended the local Brazos Stone dance afterwards. THANK YOU MOM FOR ALLOWING US TO HAVE A DATE! We don't ever get an OFFER extended to us to keep our kids that allow us to do anything by ourselves anymore, so THANK YOU MOM, you are truly a sweet, giving, mother who thinks about not only our kids, but our marriage and how important that is from time to time!

Sunday was quite the lazy day. Got up and made pies for my mother's birthday, took the girls and myself to church while Jeremy slept. He was not feeling too well....strep throat/flu perhaps!? Anyways..... he was pretty crummy all day yesterday....but seemed to be better yesterday evening! Then, the time came....Jeremy began to pack his pickup and the meltdown began. I knew it.....we got spoiled to having him for 4 days and 4 nights with us......and Jaylee knew immediately as he began to load his pickup what was about to happen. She held onto me tightly and bawled saying numerous times "I want my Daddy, I don't want him to leave".... Jeremy came back in.... and well....you can imagine the heartbreak for him. He ended up just staying last night and getting up at 2:30 to leave. Poor guy! I can't imagine having to drive at 2:30 then having to put in a full day after that. Which by the way, he has been at this job now for ONE YEAR as of this weekend! Can you believe that!?!? YAY! Here comes the 4 weeks PAID vacation! Here comes the Christmas bonus!!! And sadly, this lifestyle.....continues.....but I will look on the positive and know that "This too Shall Pass", " This is not forever" and "I am blessed that we are both happy, healthy, and employed!"

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my Mom!

Here's to someone who is such an inspiration and a wonderful role model! I definitely almost caused her several strokes.....but our relationship only grew stronger because of it. She has shaped me into the person that I am today. Not many children are blessed to have such a talented, amazing, giving, caring, loving, and as grammatically in-tuned mother as I am. No one also is as lucky as me to have the Bible Nazi as their mother either. Whenever I'm struggling with my faith or need a pep-- I know I can always have a prayer or bible verse within minutes, almost seconds, through an e-mail. It's almost therapeutic! I love e-mailing my problems to her and always within moments getting a direct response! She helps me make many mothering decisions as well as life long decisions. I don't know of one big obstacle in life that I haven't gone to her for advice. My most recent memory is sending her my usual "need your advice email" and her response this time was "You always get me to thinking!" I loved it! I always said I never wanted to be my mother, but since I've become a mom, I want to be nothing less than the wonderful Mom that she was to us. Looking back on my childhood, I cannot imagine raising three girls, by myself, working a full time job and having no child support. There are many many days that I think "how the hell did she ever do this-- those years by herself" when comparing my current lifestyle to hers.... but with the exception of me being continually blessed by a wonderful husband who loves his children and his wife more than life itself. I know that she will tell anyone that she wouldn't have made it without continuous faith and prayer. She will tell you that it was hard leaving my Dad, and to make that decision......but she did what was best! My mother is awesome! She's the rock that holds us all together! I know that my Grandmother would be extremely proud of her and all that she has become and made of herself. I look at her life and I think "Wow! To have a successful career, without a college degree, that she has moved up in all because she WANTED better for herself and her retirement, to look back upon three daughters who are college graduates, happily married with children, and a son who is on his way of becoming a man himself as well. To have 4 christian children who try diligently, day after day to live their life according to the christian example that was set before them. To be blessed with 7 grandchildren who love their Nana to the moon and back! To be at her age and to accomplish what all she has accomplished--- I can only think of that bible verse that says in Luke 19:17 "Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servant!" Here's to you Mom....and Many Many more happy, healthy, years!

Catch up Time!

Well....I didn't blog much last week because it was just a bad week. Jaylee was exceptionally moody/needy and Jentri was fussy at times. It also didn't help that Mommy was having a stressful week at work either! But, God was watching over us and gave our family a nice, easy, peaceful, relaxing weekend!

When I got to Canadian Friday I had a card waiting on me that read" I appreciate everything you do and realize how tough things are on you right now. Just remember that this is for the better interest of our family and that this isn't forever. Thanks for everything you do. I love you. P.S. Enjoy....

So as I was wondering what in the heck I was going to "enjoy".... he then told me that on December 3.......we had a date..... (we never get to go on dates anymore!) ..... I'm so lucky to have a husband who remembers weird things....like me mentioning back in MAY that one concert that I would love to go to is Lady Antebellum...... so... he got us tickets for their performance on December 3! I'm one lucky girl! :) The countdown is on until then..... I'm more excited about just getting to have a date....much less a concert too!

So, now you are probably wondering "well what about that Dave Ramsey thing yall were doing...how did this fit in the budget??" Well, yes we are still very much intact with our budget and following it, there is a budgeted amount for "entertainment" but he didn't even dip into that envelope--he just used his blow money on the tickets! I feel so loved!

It happened......

That crying jag that I last posted about......well....it happened....

5AM- Jaylee wakes up crying b/c she wet the bed. I go and get her clean undies and a shirt and she wanted "more jammies". Well, being the slacking mother that I am, her other jammies were dirty.....

5:03- Jaylee preceds to throw a tantrum...... Jaylee is warned that if she continues to scream she will have to go to her room b/c she will wake Jentri....

5:05...she continues screaming so I carry her to her room so I don't have 2 screaming children.....

5:07.... (Mom is in deep prayer) Jentri wakes from the screaming in the other room.....

5:08... I start to nurse Jentri b/c she is hungry..... Jaylee gets mad because I'm feeding her and inturn throws another tantrum....

5:10..."I want my daddy! I want my daddy! I want my daddy!" (Repeat 100 times)

For those of you that read my blog and don't have kids--- this might be good birth control!

5:15- jaylee gives it up- lays down beside me while I continue to nurse Jentri.....

5:30- she needs to go potty--- Mom forgets (because it's so d*** early) that Jaylee likes to flush the potty---and so here goes tantrum number 3

5:40- I drag her off the floor- take her to the couch- turn on Dora and go get in the shower---

5:40 and 10 seconds- jaylee is screaming because her milk cup is leaking-- I fix her cup

5:45- I get out of the shower and go open the front door to let the dog out---

2 seconds later- jaylee throws tantrum number 4 because "she wanted to let her out!"

5:50- I start getting make up on, fixing hair, ironing clothes- she is finally content with Dora and her milk (for now!)

6:15- I text the babysitter asking what kind of coke she would like for me to bring since she is going to need all the caffeine in the world to deal with this today....

Reply from babysitter-- "Oh lord!"

6:45- I get both girls ready, lunches and breakfasts packed, and nurse Jentri again before leaving for the babysitters

7:15 (time to start moving towards the car)- I get Jaylee in and buckled- go back to get Jentri and all I hear is screaming--- jaylee got out of her car seat, and ran to the door throwing tantrum number 5 b/c she needs to go potty---

7:20- Daddy calls and is mad because I won't talk..... (hmmm wonder why?)

7:25- They are at the babysitters....I'm thanking God for just getting me out the door on time....

7:40- Husband calls back....asks what's wrong..... I start bawling....met my breaking point....and I get the reply of "Well crying like a (blank) two year old is helping how?"

Reaction not appropriate for writing......


7:45- Pull up at work- eyes full of tears----

Walk in the building--- put on my teacher face----- will deal with these feelings some other time!

Tears~N~Tacos

Well, I had rough weekend to say the least. We didn't get to be a family b/c Jeremy had to work and I had made a prior committment to playing the organ at church Sunday. So, I had a fun time with the girls Saturday, watching cartoons, making a mess of toys, etc.....then Sunday came and that's our "family day" where we do nothing but worship in the morning, then have a family lunch, then enjoy the rest of the day as family time. I was mad, even bitter yesterday. I really was having an oh poor me day and just wanted to cry....then heard the words of my mother saying "Oh just suck it up!" so....I did! Today went off just like any other typical Monday, except we did get rain! That was a little out of the norm! Then after I got the girls home, I thought about what to make for supper.... My mother in law had earlier extended an invite to come over for Tacos..... I excitedly accepted, then immediately backed out....after remembering what our last meal was like during the week.....pure hell just about sums it up..... so.... I just thought I would make tacos for Jaylee and I. So....got Jentri fed and situated in her swing, and Jaylee and I went to cooking away in the kitchen! She's quite the little cooker/helper these days! Reminds me of me when I was little! I LOVED to cook....and still do to this day! Anyways..... I had never served her a taco meal before, until tonight. (Side note- when you let a kid help PREPARE a meal, they tend to eat better b/c there is some sense of ownership!) She ate a ton! We had delicious, crispy, even a tad bit greasy tacos...and rice to go with it! It was wonderful... I hadnt made tacos in forever...then I remembered why... Jeremy LOVES tacos...by far one of his favorite foods...I started to cry.... that oh poor me feeling just took over!

I guess this lifestyle is getting the best of me at the moment. I thought I was doing so good, staying strong, making it and taking it day by day; just thanking God daily for the blessings he gives us. But as of tonight, I'm sick of it. I'm so tired of living this way. I miss Jeremy not sitting down with us at supper. He would have loved Jaylee's tacos that she made, and it would have tickled her to see him eat them! I miss that "just got home from work-- walk in the door, how are you kiss".... I miss that butterfly feeling of hearing his pickup drive up when he gets home from work (yes I still get butterflies when he shows up on friday nights) I miss just messing with each other, teasing each other and wrestling from time to time. I miss just getting to be us when we want to. I know this isn't forever, I keep telling myself this.... but it just seems to be getting harder and harder emotionally. So....for now I'm going to have my "oh poor me" moment.....it's like a friend quoted today...."I am all for the oh poor me crying jags....They just seem to clear the cobwebs and other things clouding the view!"

I DID IT!

Wahoo! Success! I went ALL week long without blowing my $20 bill this week! I think I blogged earlier about how we started this week and Jeremy took all of his blow money at once, and I just took a small portion of mine! Anyways.....I am so proud of myself. I didn't give into the "Oh poor me, I didn' thave time to cook breakfast....I want a burrito this morning" temptation..... or the "I need that Dr. Pepper craving tempatation".... I went all week, taking my breakfast each morning and then on Friday, I thought I was going to have to break it. I ran off and forgot my lunch! I was so upset, even considered fasting so I wouldn't have to break it! (That's kind of serious huh!?) Anyways, it was getting to be close to lunch time and a sweet friend stopped by and said "I ordered you lunch today, my treat!" Ahhhh! Thank you Jesus! You were watching out for me and knew how bad I wanted this to work out! SO instead of pulling another 20 out this week of my stash- I get to keep saving it--- and that's closer and closer that I get to that DVD player being installed!!!!

Day 2- Thankful for my husband

As I begin this month and remembering and looking into what all I am thankful for..... I post my daily thankful fors on facebook. However, as I posted yesterday that I was thankful for a husband who works hard providing for our family and who is an awesome dad to Jaylee and Jentri; I feel the need to elaborate.

Not many people can live the lifestyle that we do. Not many husbands are willing to up and leave their family and spend many, countless nights away from their children to provide for their family. Jeremy has given up alot for us. He has to be away from us, from his "HOME", from what he would love to be doing at the farm. Never did we think that he would be doing this current job for almost a year and having hopes of continuing this job as long as he can. Life has become easier in some areas, and harder in some as well. But knowing that this lifestyle is not forever is what keeps us all going.

Jeremy is by far amazing and always knows how to make me smile when life is too much to handle for me. Even when I think I've had all I can take- he always puts things into perspective and makes the situation 100 times lighter. Of course, he can get under my skin and make me want to spit nails sometimes, but that's what I love about him. Life is never boring, thankfully. He has shown me a different way to live and approach life and to that I'm grateful. (I just wish he'd adapt to my schedule/plan a little more! :) )

HAPPY FALL!

Week # 4

Whew! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that putting our finances in order would ever cause as much stress as this is causing. Reworked the budget today, only to get a phone call after work stating that Jeremy's clutch went out, so there goes part of the EMERGENCY FUND! (An emergency fund is having 3-6 months of total living expenses put into a savings account!)

I wanted to cry, scream, shake my hands, and just GIVE UP! Why God, Why!?

Seriously, just try to get your finances in order, prepare yourself a budget, and just see how hard life "seems" to get! Life is financially awful right now- no if's/ands/buts/ors about it-- it's awful. We get a plan going then BAM! Here goes another something wrong! Get back going again- BAM another something goes wrong! It's like I blogged early on this summer "It's always something!"

So, as I start looking at ways to cut back this month to begin replinishing the emergency fund-- my stupid self started to consider less tithing...then I go to my devotional before bedtime and it is titled "Develop a Lifestyle of Giving"....and the last paragraph reads..... "If you need financial miracles, don'tbe afraid to obey God concerning your finances. Begin proving God's power to bless you by tithing and then giving even beyond that."

So- obviously less tithing is not the solution--- stupid me for even thinking such a thing!

Tonight's lesson was all about "Dumping Debt"-- OUCH! Look at these interesting myths:

Myth: If I loan money to a friend or relative, I will be HELPING them.
Truth: the relationship will be strained or DESTROYED.

Myth: Playing the lottery and other forms of gamblings will make me rich.
Truth: The lottery is a tax on the poor and on people who can't do math!

Myth: Car payments are a way of life, and you'll always have one.
Truth: Staying away from car payments by driving reliable used cars is what the typical millionaire does. That is HOW they became millionaries. (O-U-C-H!)

Myth: You can get a good deal on a NEW car.
Truth: A new car loses 70% of its value in the first four years!!!!
(THANKFUL I DIDN'T BY NEW!)

Myth: I'll make sure my teenager gets a credit card so he/she can learn to be responsible with money.
Truth: Teens are a huge target of credit card companies today!
(THANKS MOM FOR PERSUADING ME TO TRY OUT MY FIRST VISA AT AGE 18!)

Bottom Line: THE BORROWER IS SLAVE TO THE LENDER!' Read Proverbs 22:7 " The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender"

5 Steps to get out of debt:
1. Quit borrowing money.
2. You must SAVE money.
3. Prayer really works!
4. Sell something.
5. Take a part-time job or overtime temporarily!

#2 in the Baby Step Process: Pay off all debts using the debt snowball! (I created this two years ago and began working on this- double O-U-C-H!) If you don't know Dave Ramsey, don't care about his class, the one thing I HIGHLY recommend is creating yourself a debt snowball and working it off. We are kicking into "gazelle" mode (inside joke from class video) and it's time to get debt free! Can we do it? YES WE CAN! We can live like no one else now, so later we can LIVE like no one else!

"Owe no one anything except to love one another." Romans 13:8

URGH!

So, as we finally, start the budget, TODAY, I already had to go back and change some things because of the rain that caused my husband to not get to work last Thursday or Friday, so that influenced a smaller paycheck, which totally changed the budget all up! URGH! I've put so many hours into this, and now to have to go back and pinch even tighter in some areas.....it's starting to hurt!!! I'm having to consider doing without my housecleaner this month, or cut back on my blow money, or decrease our entertainment amount (what little it was!).

I know some of these posts probably sound like a broken record. Or like one commented thsi weekend "I've been reading for weeks about you "fixing to start" this budget and you haven't even started".....This person hasn't met Dave Ramsey either! Until you have sat down and prepared a budget, (yes- even single people need a budget!) you don't have any grasp of what you are spending. We "thought" we "sort of" knew what we were spending..... until we put it down on paper! Plus we were delayed one week after cancelling class two weeks ago! And you really can't start a budget in the middle of a month!!!

Tonights lesson: DUMPING DEBT! This one is probably going to "get me right there" and I'll probably walk way wishing I hadn't of just purchased a car. (I know this b/c I read this book 2 year ago!) But- I also know that if you manage your money/budget appropriately/then you can still have a nice car and a nice home!

You want me to do what Dave Ramsey?

Ugh! Budgeting....need I say more?? I never, ever, thought that creating a budget would be as time consuming and stressful as this has been, much less the thought of now having to FOLLOW it! You got to be kidding me Dave....seriously.... and sit down and change this budget up monthly..... You are killing me!!!

So....here we go! We are making the last minute changes to our cash flow zero budget this weekend and We start with our "monthly budget" some Monday. I want to cry...... no...I really want to go on one last shopping spree before I am constricted to such things.....

No....now let me rephrase that. Budgeting is not constricting yourself to starving and doing without. It's making you become more aware of your spending and truly seeing your outflow of money. I sat down this week and went through October's payments.....and compared them to our upcoming budget..... Ha! That was a joke! We had no idea what we were spending....especially in the grocery category...and that wasn't even the "eating out" category.... I feel like the man that said he was "eating his retirement!" No we don't have lavish, 5 course meals at our home. I think the problem is that when I see certain things on sale, I tend to "Stock up". Which isn't necessarily a bad thing unless your budgeting. Because give it 2 more weeks and that same item will probably be back on sale again...... Or like when I'm shopping at Wal-mart I hadn't been making a menu for our meals and so I would just grab this or that to have on hand just in case we made this meal or that meal..... that does not work with a budget!

Since Jeremy already had listened to the lesson, and my sister is 2 weeks ahead, this lesson wasn't as eye opening to me as the past ones. We were ahead of the other classmates as we had started to prepare our cash flow budget and start itemizing our priorities. This is starting to be fun almost. Setting limits on ourselves, sucks-yes. But challenging each other to save each others blow money for something bigger, or working extra to pay off something quicker.... what fun! Because if your marriage is anything like mine-- we like to set almost unachievable goals and since we are both stubborn and hardheaded we will go out of our way to prove each other wrong and meet that goal!

When I went into this and learned of having to use a budget, my first thought was "Oh no-- here we go again- back to beans and cornbread and scrubbing my toilets again" But that is not what a budget is. If your budget can be allocated for such needs and you still give 10%, still save, and still work towards your debt snowball, you can allocate for such things. The kicker is- how fast do you want to be debt free? Should you budget for "entertainment"? Or should you put that money towards your house/car/school loan? That's where budgeting gets you! It's learning to live like no one else now, and doing without, so later you can LIVE like no one else!

So please keep up us in your prayers as we start this task next week! I know it's going to take some work and hard discipline, and I also know that no budget ever works the first time. It takes at least 3 months to establish a working budget. So here we go my friends! I'll keep ya posted!

Do you ever wonder????

This morning while I was "milking the cow" which is also my facebooking time, I could not get over the amount of people talking about the Ranger's game last night. It was astounding. I'd scroll down- still rangers-- scroll some more-- still more Ranger talk-- click on "more posts" on the bottom and even more Ranger's talk. Some postive, some negative, some motivational, and some just down right eye shocking. How can anyone get that aggrivated at a team in a world series game? Really? To sit there and put such harsh, curse words out in front of everyone over a World Series Game? Why do we get so wrapped up in these things? The sun is going to come up tomorrow...... The Rangers will still be a team next year...... Baseball isn't going anywhere......so why do we let these false idols take over us?

Then I started to ponder.....what if we changed the word Ranger's to God in all of these posts? What if everyone who was posting and cheering and rooting for the Rangers were cheering for God instead..... can you imagine our society then?! WOW! We are so wrapped up in our world, and consumed by these "things" that I think we all fail to ever want to cheer for God like this. We are quick to put our feelings and frustrations towards a team on facebook, but yet, do that many people, that often, place an uplifting, christian status? No! Several posts from my lists last night were from the same people, updating their thoughts/anger/happiness hour by hour.......

I know I am probably sounding like I'm top of a soap box, or a "Jesus freak" right now..... but do you ever just stop and wonder about things like this? We wonder why our world is in such a mess and going through such crisis? I'm betting if my facebook news feed was this crazy with Ranger Drama last night....yours probably was too..... go back and look.....replace the word Rangers with God and see how it would look/sound. Would we be a better nation?

Don't get me wrong- I love the Rangers- have watched every World Series game thus far and was wrapped up into that game. I can't tell you the number of times I told Jeremy "Ok- 1 more strike and they got it" Ha! I was excited when Josh hit his first post season home run last night...then the back to back home runs from Beltre and Cruz... by far and awesome inning for the Rangers....

But in all seriousness, imagine what our would would be like if we were wrapped up in our Faith and displaying to others our love of God instead of these false idols that are put before us?

Dedicated to Christ!

This past Sunday, we dedicated Jentri to the Lord at church. Although I grew up catholic, and have since joined the Baptist, I know it bothers some that my children have not been baptized. I have always been told that God takes care of the little ones. I also know after reading "Heaven is For Real" this past summer, that he who doesn't receive the kingdom of God as a little child by no means enters it". I am totally excited about the day that Jentri and Jaylee both choose to be baptized. How awesome is this? To remember your own baptism and above all making the decision to be baptized on your own. Do you remember your baptism? I don't. But I do know that my parents made that decision based on their own christian belief and I don't regret them making that decision. I know in my heart that my original sin is gone, and that my baptism is just as good as those that chose their baptism. So, here's to Jentri and her christian walk of faith in life!

"Train up a child in the way he should go. And when he is old;he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

Watch out..... here comes Soccer Mom!

Well....sadly and excitedly.....I feel like a soccer mom now! Never thought I'd see the day of me driving a soccer mom car, but I am! Our car was getting too cramped up for all 4 of us and 2 bulky carseats....and as much as we are traveling, on the road, Jeremy gone during the weeks- not here to fix the breakdowns--it was time! I am very blessed to have a husband who has worked hard this past year to get us on the ahead track financially and allow us to drive a very nice car. It's not the fanciest, but it fancies me! My sisters and I grew up and turned out just fine without leather seats and DVD players, and I'm sure my children will too! Or- I could do what Dave Ramsey says and SAVE my blow money each month, let it add up, and get a DVD player installed! What a goal to aim for-- but I feel like after saving all that money up- I will want something else so I have doubts of this ever happening~! I love this car for not only the room, but for the fact that only one other person in my town drives a car like this. When Jeremy said he was looking at trading- some of you would be very very shocked to know that I never once test drove, looked inside, any cars! I did some Internet searching, but that was it! Kudos to him for doing an awesome job! He never lets me down!

I love Tuesdays!

Hooray for TUESDAY! Yay for Dave Ramsey day! I get more and more excited each week as Tuesday rolls around. I love even more that my sister and I are doing this together, with our husbands and we have each other as our "accountables" and help us through this lifelong process! I don't think it really sank into Jeremy how "gung ho" I was about this process and truly doing it the way you are suppose to... but I think he understands as of Saturday. We were leaving Abilene and he asked me if I wanted to get something to drink before we left town. I simply stated "I am not thirsty and I do not NEED a drink, would I LIKE a drink, of course, but I can put that $2 towards something that we NEED" I think it all sank in then how truly disciplined that I had become. Tonight we start the dreaded, in depth, cash flow budget! Wish us luck! We've been working hours upon hours on getting our budget prepared for this upcoming month when it's suppose to "start"! I am totally excited about how it's all going to work. This process has definitely made us more aware of how we are spending our money. Money can either control YOU or you can control your MONEY. I have been in places in my life where money was controlling me, but thank God, we do not have to live like many others do and worry about so many bills, debts, etc. It truly was a blessing that Jeremy didn't go on harvest this past year as he was suppose to take the plunge of buying a truck and leasing a combine. THANK YOU JESUS for not letting us jump into that huge pile of debt. So, I am anxious to see what awaits at class tonight and what all we get to do this upcoming week!

Mixed Feelings....

Well, yesterday was by far the hardest goodbye yet. We have been used to Daddy driving back on Monday mornings early, but with the change in his job and going back to being an operator, he had to give up the Monday morning drives, sometimes, and go back on Sunday evenings. It had been several months since we have had to say Goodbye on Sunday. For some reason, it was so much easier doing it at 4:30 on Monday morning. So, it got to be time for the goodbyes and Jaylee Ray just wasn't giving it up. She helped him load the pickup, she asked and told him numerous time "I go with you Daddy" then when the time came, and his pickup drove away, talk about a sad little girl crying, "I want my Daddy!"
My heart has hurt all day. Jaylee has said numerous times how she wants her Daddy today. I have been praying really hard that God would bring Jeremy back closer to home and keep us financially stable and comfortable in the process. I have no idea when Jeremy will be back with us, on a daily basis, but I do pray that it is soon. I keep praying for Jaylee's emotional sake that we aren't hurting her and scaring her for life through this. God must have felt my heartache today because I started bringing a girl from KC over to Munday after school now to drop off for dance class. She is 9 years old and her Daddy is gone for 2 weeks at a time on a drilling rig, then comes home for 2 weeks. This girl is very bubbly and intelligent. Her personality speaks volumes! Talking with her .... you would never know that her Daddy is gone or at home. I guess that was almost like a sign from God saying that it was all going to be ok!
In the meantime, if any of you have time, please say a prayer for our family and we will continue to pray that he guides us on his path. I have faith that we will one day again be that "normal" white picket fence family, but until this, I'll keep clinging to my faith in him. As the old saying goes..."this too shall pass" and that's exactly right. I know this isn't forever.

Nerds VS. Free Spirits

Well, after class last night, I learned that there are nerds and then there are free spirits when it comes to a marriage and dealing with money. Can someone please explain how I can be such a NERD in my entire area of life, except where I need it most--- money! Then- can you explain how my husband is a "Free spirit" in life----but is a "nerd" with money!? I don't get it! Something just isn't right here in this equation!

Anyways- basically- it's time to start the dreadful b word--- BUDGET! Aaaahhhh!!! We started our budget this weekend, and putting figures and looking at how much we spend here and there, etc. Wow- have you ever sat down and truly wrote down every single expense that you make in 1 month? I haven't done it yet, but just doing a guesstimate in each area-- blew us both away! It's amazing how just putting a pencil to a piece of paper can really start opening your eyes.

Most importantly- I am so glad we are doing this NOW instead of LATER and having a huge mortgage, a big car payment, huge credit card debt, etc, etc etc. Then, secondly, how much better our future is going to be by investing now, and saving more now, so we can truly LIVE LIFE later on! No more month to month, paycheck to paycheck agony. Life has been alot more pleasant this past year with Jeremy making more money. Yes, it's very hard without him home every night, and it's hard on me dropping my kids off for 2 hours every week for a class to take. However- knowing that this is only benefiting our family and securing our future- makes 2 hours and $100 bill totally worth it.

I have noticed, though, that Satan is knocking at our door alot more now. He is trying to approach us from every angle to get in our way of doing this. He's changed up Jeremy's job, he's tried to persuade un-necessary spending, and so forth. It's driving me crazy. Is it even odd that I can tell you that I "feel him" pushing us towards the wrong path. It's like once we start putting our money in God's hands and letting him control our wants/needs--the devil is working OVERTIME it feels like! I'm having to praise and worship double and pray harder just because I don't want Satan interfering with us and us being on this right path!

Someone after class stopped me last night and said how much they admired my husband and I for continuing to go to church every weekend, despite us only being together on the weekends. I know I had to look dumbfounded because I wanted to say "is that an option?". Jeremy and I have realized the impact that church makes on our family, how much better our life is, and how Jaylee enjoys it as well. We can't imagine what it's like to NOT be going to church. Of course, sure there are the occasional out of town- missed church weekends, but very RARELY do we ever miss anymore b/c we are being selfish and want our "family" time now.

An "Aaaahhhhh" Moment!

You know those times that are rare in life, where the light just comes on and you just go "aaaahhhh!!!!!" Well- I had that feeling last night. As I started that "self help" class, I came across an interesting quote of dealing with money:

"One definition of maturity is learning to delay pleasure. Children do what feels good; adults devise a plan and follow it"

WOW! I am sure my mother has in some sort of way told me this and tried to explain this countless times- but stupid, hard-headed me always thought I was the smartest one. Ha- and I see where that has gotten me! I get so "caught up" with buying/doing things with money- and I don't even realize it. I sat down and started us a budget last night. Obviously the saying is true "make more-spend more" and I am as of now STOPPING the SPENDING. I know that we can make it off of very little, because we did for 4 years. It was hard, but it was also good for us. Becuase now, with the extra income- we should be doing better things with it. And have you ever sat down and figured 10% of your income and what you should be tithing each month? HOLY BAJEZUS were we ever way off! I was just giving what I thought was best, and I felt on cloud 9 to be giving such a gracious amount. Then when I did the figuring tonight- God is probably rolling on the floor at my stupidity! I feel like I have cheated not only my church, but God himself out of this money to glorify his kingdom.

I get so caught up in "society" and what we "want" instead of what we "need" . For instance- did we really "need" to go to 2 ranger's games this year, get a hotel, eat at nice restaraunts- ABSOLUTELY NOT! We were immature and did what felt good! Did I need to spoil my husband and give him two tickets to Nascar, and again another hotel, nice meals, shopping, etc? Absolutely NOT! Did I need to buy my child a $900 swingset when a $300 one would have served the exact same purpose. Grrrr I'm so frustrated with myself right now! Why do I get so caught up in "stuff". All this "stuff" is not going to get me anywhere in life. Have you ever seen a U-Haul behind a hearse? NO! All my life I have struggled with materialistic things and it's finally starting to click. However- it just seems as though we are, as a community, caught up in doing what feels good, and trying to outdo everyone else. I've seen it between families; between farmers; between friends.... it's happening all the time!!! And it is all summed up in the quote I stated earlier- it's the difference between immaturity with money and maturity.

So- I'm starting to learn my lesson! Should have learned it 10 years ago- but I guess we all have to live and learn at some point in our life. Overall- a very good first night lesson and I'm totally excited about what's in store. My main priority out of this entire class is to learn how to work and live on a strict budget- and I know it is not going to be easy!!!!!

Have Mercy!

Really? I just don't get people sometimes. It doesn't matter how many times you tell someone something, or go through the motions with them, they just don't GET IT! Please, I can't take it anymore, STOP WITH THE STUPIDITY STUNTS!

Ok- now that I got that out of my system-- welcome Monday! I must say, it was quite the productive day! The highlight of my day was coming home to my cute little girls and having yet, another blessed evening with them!

As for our goal last week of learning how to sit at a table for meal time and saying a prayer, put a big CHECK MARK beside our names, because we got it going on! I'm so proud of Miss Jaylee! All it takes is a little bit of routine, sternness, and consistency, and alot can get accomplished!!! The cutest part is hearing her say" God is grape- instead of God is great"

Our next goal : how to sit at the table continuously for the entire meal until everyone is finished. My mom used to drill this to us, and I never saw the point....until now! Grrrrr I can't believe I'm typing this out- I never was going to be my mother! But- I'm starting to realize that those things she did maybe weren't so wrong/bad after all! (ok Mom- there- are ya happy now?) Anyways-- so my focus this week is getting her to sit through the entire meal without getting up to go get a toy, check to see what Daisy is barking at, etc.

Also- I am starting one of those "self help" (as my husband calls them) classes tomorrow night and I am totally stoked about it! I think it's going to totally rock and I can't wait to see where it's going to take us! I just pray that God will work out any kink that gets in the way of me going and will help me strong in my discipline to go all 13 weeks. I already have an insight to this class and I'm almost scared in a way because I know, that just after one class, it's going to give me that "get me right there" feeling! Oh well- as long as it's worth it :)

And for closing- I stumbled across an interesting quote last night: "If you were to wake up today and God only gave you the things that you thanked him for yesterday.....how many blessings would you have?"

" Praise the Lord and Curse that Devil! "

Psalms 107:1"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever"

FINALLY! A peaceful, pleasant, wonderful, and even FUN evening at the Lowe house last night! Talk about the perfect evening! Here is how the evening went......
Got the girls home-- Jaylee wanted to play outside, and Jentri was sleeping. So, I got to spend some one on one time with her. I then went inside to start supper, while I had the chance because at this stage of life, you take advantage of every single minute! Jentri kept napping, I got supper 75 % complete, and she woke up. I stopped cooking, and went outside to nurse her while Jaylee continued to play. After nursing, Jentri stayed in her bouncer and was content! I went in and made a new colic remedy of "cucumber juice" and also finished supper. Jentri continued to be happy and supper was ready! I actually got to sit down, AT MY TABLE, with Jaylee and eat our dinner. We even got to say our dinner prayer before eating! (This is my next goal with her is learning to pray before meals!) I sat right there and silently said "TYJ!" Jaylee and I had a yummy spaghetti supper and then back outside she went while I did the dishes. I also got both of our lunches prepared for today, because Jentri was still happy! I then went back outside and played some more with Jaylee while Jentri just looked around, happy as could be in her bouncer! It was then coming upon 7 o'clock and that's bath time right now at our house. Bathtime seems to be the WORST part of the evening. I don't know if it's because we have all 3 hit the lowest part of our day, but bath time has never gone off without one or the other, and most of the time, BOTH girls screaming and crying at some point! I got Jaylee bathed, then Jentri.... and Jentri ended up being the one to cry. However- it was time to eat so this was probably the reason because it wasn't her screaming cry. Got both girls in their pj's and then gave Jentri her round of medicine, this time a dose of the cucumber juice. WOW! We never screamed- she nursed and went right to sleep! Jaylee was asleep by 8, Jentri was down by 9 and I got to have an HOUR of ME time! I actually got to upload photos to facebook (hasn't been done in a month)! I even got to take a bath and shave my legs (hasn't been done in 2 weeks!). I even got to catch up on the news feeds in facebook (haven't been on there in a week!) Then, talked to my husband for a good while, then I was off to bed and tucked in by 10! We all three got a good night's sleep, and Miss Jentri didn't wake up until 5 to eat!

OK- so enough of the play by play-- overall-- TYJ for a WONDERFUL evening!! It continued onto this morning and both girls were happy, pleasant and ready to go to Miss Robins! I am not sure if it was the cucumber juice, or my change of attitude, or trying to have more patience.....but whatever it was.....I'm praying for a repeat of this EVERY night!!!!!

Dear God.....will things ever get back to normal?

So, I've been doing alot of wondering, praying, and begging lately for God to just return my life back to normal. I've spent lots of evenings in tears, just upset because life just feels like a roller coaster right now. But then I stop and think....normal? What the heck is normal? Was "normal" back last year when Jeremy was on harvest, and we didn't see him for a whole 2 1/2 months? Or was "normal" this past winter when Jeremy left for his job in Canadian, and it was just Jaylee and I? Normal isn't us, and I don't know when it ever will be. I've heard many people say lately "I just wish Jeremy could get a job closer to home..." Well, it's like I was telling a close friend recently... let's play out the scenario of him getting a job closer to home.............
A. He goes back to work for the family farm.... which means.....still on harvest....not getting to see at all until November.....which then goes back to struggling financially...which then turns into more stress on our life....
B. He gets a job closer to home, and he will not work an 8-5 job indoors..... Ok--- so I'm still the one getting the girls ready, dropping them off every morning, and he will be home, hopefully by supper time, if not later, so which still means, I'm to deal part of the evening with the girls. So, what's a few more hours? And the job probably won't pay near what he get's paid now- so we are back to letter A of financial stress as well.
C. He's a man, and a "typical" man, who probably will help here and there, but let's face it ladies- does any man ever do everything exactly the way we need/want it to be done?
D. He comes back home, so not only am I having to handle two children in the evenings, but I'm also back to balancing marriage and family and basically, let's face it, a 3rd child!

So- of course, I'd love the "white picket fence marriage" that all the movies play out and my sisters get to live of hubby leaving in the morning and home by supper, but that wasn't my husband before I married him and that's not him today. There are days when the job is over at 5, and there are days when the job is over at 9, and then there are days where he can work all night, but finally throws his hands in. So, instead of little girls standing at the door, daily, asking "when is daddy coming home?" and me never knowing hour to hour; we do know, regularly, and routinely, that in just 5 more days/ fingers, daddy IS coming home and he WILL be home, for certain 3 nights.

My thoughts vs. God's Word

Do you ever question if you're ever good enough? Life has been so crazy and so busy here lately, I have seemed to put God "on hold ." or even yet, on the back burner. I'm so ashamed! No wonder my days have seemed like the "days from hell" recently. I have often found myself, asking myself "what the hell did I get myself into? I knew 2 kids would be a little bit more work, but I sure didn't expect this!" I keep on telling myself, things have got to get better, things won't always be this tough, etc! BUT THEY AREN'T GETTING BETTER! While Jeremy is away, I've always felt Gods comfort, protecting us all while we are apart. But here lately- I couldn't feel more distant from HIM and I know now why that is. I moved. How stupid could I be? To think that I could possibly live this life and do it without talking to HIM on a daily basis?! As I was reading my daily devo for the day, I stumbled across these thoughts, and found some scriptures to help rid of the negativity.

I'll share a few:

My thought: I want to give up!
God's Word: Be committed. (Matthew 5: 33-37)

My thoughts: I feel lost!
God's Word: He watches my path and establishes my ways (Proverbs 5:21, 4:26)

My thoughts: I'm all alone and NO ONE understands me! (and my lifestyle!)
He will never leave me. He has plans for my life. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Jeremiah 29:11)


Hopefully and prayerfully, things will start to get back on track!!!!!

Jentri is here!

OK- so yes it's been quite some time since I blogged but life is by far crazier than I ever imagined possible at the moment. I knew two kids would be more of a handful and pose a few more challenges; however- it's so much harder than I ever expected. No, I'm not whining. I'm just not one of those that like to sugar coat things and pretend that everything is just peachy. I believe in being totally honest and open with the world about how my lifestyle is because I feel that some girls get pregnant b/c they think it being a mommy is so "Easy". HA! Little do they know! Anyways- so far, things are going better and we are getting adjusted to a routine now. Jentri now has acid reflux, was given medicine yesterday, so we are hoping our after feeding fussiness will diminish soon! Jeremy has been back at work for 2 weeks now, and that has affected Jaylee more than the rest of us. She now knows what a countdown is, and her and her daddy hold up 5 fingers on Sunday when he leaves- and then we take away a finger every day! Boy does she ever get excited on that Friday when there are no more fingers left and she knows her Daddy is coming back home! You might be asking why we aren't up there with him, you might even think I am being selfish by not going- but let me explain. Jeremy leaves for work between 7 and 7:30 every morning, and doesn't return until 8 or 8:30. Well, with our new routine of 2 kids, I try to have both kids fed, bathed, and in bed by 8:30. This way things will go smoother once I return to work! So, the girls honestly would only see their Daddy for an hour, if even that a day, and I don't think it's worth it. So, it is a little heartbreaking at times because I feel he is having to miss out on Jentri's newborn stage. In the meantime, I have started praying for job with as good of benefits and pay that is closer to home. We have been very blessed with his current job and his promotion, and we have all done well with the new lifestyle and adjusting to it. Of course it is hard, but that's just part of life! You take what life hands you- and you have to make the best of it! I don't ask for any ones pity or sympathy because we chose this. All I have ever asked for is prayers to keep Jeremy safe and the girls and I safe while we are apart during the week!

So- hopefully, now that things are starting to get better/smoother-- I am hoping to be able to blog more!

Sometimes, Life just isn't "Fair"....

Everyday, I try to live my life making the best decisions that I can with dignity, class, and character. I try to base every decision and treat every person as if I want to be treated and know that is how God wants me to live. Lots of things have come my way, and I've always turned the cheek, and never voiced concern to the direct person/problem. I always feel that it will work itself out and that if I just keep my cool, sit back, it will reside. Now, I have always voiced/vented to family/friends, but today I was to the point that I had "had it!" I stooped to the low level of venting on facebook, but gosh darn it--- something needs to be done!

Why is it that you have to be some overbearing, rude, loud-mouthed, person to get things accomplished these days? I am crushed for the reason that I try to do everything right, I never complain, and why is the ONE time I do..... I get treated like a 2 year old and on top of that my integrity questioned? Whereas, those that are consistent gripers and bellyachers can go constantly to wherever it is or at whoever it is that they are unhappy with and throw their weight around and continuously get their way. LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Is that what this world has come to? That we have to act like such "fools" in order to get something done/accomplished/won? I keep telling myself, surely not, but the more I think about it-- I'm beginning to wonder. I keep asking myself, "WWJD?" and I know that what I am doing is right and just going on about life. But it totally infuriates me at how some things are truly "unfair" in life. It's really close to that famous line of "it's not what you know- it's WHO you know".

Tonight!

Ok, Tonight is the Bachelorette Season Finale and Cake Boss' last show for a while. These are two shows that I DVR and watch every single Monday night...... and currently the City of Munday is filling in the pot holes out in the street right in front of my house. Could one of these 3 things possibly be what Jentri is waiting on!?

I was a little disappointed this past weekend when she didn't make her appearance. I really thought with my Mom being home, Jeremy being home, and now that my Mother in law is off of harvest, the ball would start to roll. However, Jentri is quite the little "Lowe" and has decided to live up to everything that her name means-- which is-- NEVER GETTING IN A HURRY!

Yes, I'm starting to get anxious, because I really, do not want to be induced. I really prefer the labor route, although, many have assured me that induction can be just as smooth if not easier than the whole labor thing. Of course induction does work best for my husband and his job at the moment, but I'm too OCD to handle induction. I don't like "knowing it's coming"! I know that I won't sleep a lick the night before and I'll be having anxiety attacks knowing that the next day, she WILL be born, and I WILL be contracting, and I WILL be screaming for that wonderful epidural.

So--- let's hope that either these pot holes, The Bachelorette, or Cake Boss might be what she is waiting on!

Oh Jentri, Oh Jentri.....

Well, went back to the Dr. yesterday, and not much had changed other than I was at a 2 and he thought there was a possibility that I may not make it to my next visit.....meaning labor could be near. However, if I do continue on, he will induce in 2 weeks so at least the end is near! I really am OK with her waiting a little longer, as it isn't even August yet and my actual due date isn't until August 19. Now-- get me to August 5th and I'll probably be ready to chop some one's head off. But until then....I think it's only best for her to keep brewing and getting healthier and healthier inside!

Something that totally blew me away yesterday was before my Dr. left my room, he asked if he could pray for myself and the baby. Of course being the prayer warrior that I am, I let him. I almost fell to pieces afterwards. Why are there not more people like this in our world today? What a man of God to not even think twice or yet worry what his patients will think by offering that service? I have always thought the world of my dr, but I put him on an even higher pedestal now for his actions yesterday. I appreciate people like him who are not afraid to show that they are a Christian! Too bad there aren't more people like him today...and if there were....imagine what our society would be like instead?

So... it was another good checkup yesterday. Now just for the waiting to begin! I don't have anything left to do....so I guess I'm going to start cleaning out closets and cabinets, decluttering and straightening up some things!

Well....Well....Well....

Well, I know you will be surprised when you read this but I too forgot to shave my legs again last night! BUT- I did get the job done this morning. And everything today seems to just be really ticking me off and getting under my skin! A big bowl of homemade vanilla ice cream is really helping matters right now. Not health wise, but for emotional reasons.

I did get Miss J taken to the Dr today. We have fifth disease. I know- really? How many more diseases can she get? Remember this past winter and she had 2 episodes of Hand/Foot/Mouth Disease. And what is even more strange of her and these diseases, is the 4 children who live at her babysitter's house and the other young girl that stays there, never catch these things!

When the Dr. mentioned the thought of fifth disease, I thought "no way!" Then I got home--- and here is what I (Mrs. Web MD) read up on fifth disease...

Symptoms:
low grade fever- check!
mild cold-like symptoms- DOUBLE check!
headache--hard to tell if a 2 year old has a headache, but I'm sure we can check this one too!
slapped face appearance- check!
lacy/net-like rash- ALL OVER!
red eyes-check!

Not that it really matters now because there is no medicine or cure for fifth disease other than it running it's course! Atleast I do know now though what she has! Hopefully she will be over this soon before Jentri arrives!!!!

It's time.....or atleast this mommy thinks so!

Ok..... I've...
Got my toes prettied.
Got my hair colored/cut/fixed!
Got my eyebrows waxed.
Car is CLEAN!
Carseat installed.
Bags are packed and waiting by the door.
House is semi-straightened up as much as possible with living with a toddler.
Classroom is pretty much completed!
Groceries have been bought.
Household items have been stocked up!
I've walked these legs off!
Cleaning lady lined up to clean while we are at hospital!
Babysitter lined up to keep Jaylee should labor start during the night!
Toddler is SUPER CLINGY/MOODY/and SICK! (To the Dr. we will go tomorrow!)

SO.....WHAT ARE YOU WAITING ON JENTRI????

The only thing I can think of is I haven't shaved my legs yet. I've already discussed this with several of you---and I keep thinking I'm going to do it tonight--- and always forget by the time I get in the shower! So--TONIGHT-- I'm going to shave, what I can see anyways, and hope that maybe that is what she is waiting on!!!! Although, Jeremy may not be too happy to get all the way back to Canadian to have to turn right back around, yet he would in a heartbeat!

I keep thinking and telling that I am "ready", but then when I sit back and start thinking...am I REALLY ready? Am I ready for constant diaper changes, middle of night feedings, figuring out what this cry and that cry means, my boobies being completely ripped apart from breast feeding, satisfying Jaylee and still being a good wife!? I don't know how it's all going to balance out, but I know God will wrap me in his loving arms and get me through!

If she doesn't come tonight though---I do have my weekly checkup on Tuesday, so I'll be sure to update you on the progress, if any, has been made!!!!

I love days like today!

Why can't everyday be this good? I had a good dr. appointment this morning. I'm dilated at a 1 and 50% thinned! So I guess you can say that progress has started, but it could still be several weeks yet! I was just a tad bit tickled because I never dilated or thinned with Jaylee while I had all those last Dr. visits.... so this is why I'm excited! I know God has that very special moment planned out for us and it will happen when it's suppose to. And I could very easily still have to be induced....so we shall see!

Along with the excitement at the Dr...my husband called to informed me of a raise he received today at his job. Of course I'm tickled for the little bit of extra money each pay period but more than anything proud of him. As bad and miserable as his job can be for him sometimes, I am tickled that he is being rewarded for his hard work. I also know how hard it has been for him to not be around the trucks and combines in the wheat field all summer, so I feel this helps matters just a little!

All in all, it's been a very good day! I like days like today where there is good, exciting news and you never expected it at all!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig.....

Ahhh! Home again! To walk into this house feels like a MANSION compared to what we have been living in in Canadian! There truly is no greater feeling than walking into your "home" after a period of time away. Whether it's days, weeks, or even hours; to me, it always feels good to be "home". As I was packing our things this morning, Jeremy made the comment "By the way your packing....it's like you're not ever coming back"

Well....then it all sank in. I wasn't going back, or probably not. My weekly visits are starting with my OB this week, My due date is 1 month away, and with Jaylee arriving 2 weeks earlier than planned, I just feel it's a tad bit risky to be almost 4 hours away from my Dr. I think if I was more of a laid back, whatever type person....I wouldn't be very bothered by this. But the fact that I am terribly OCD, and I just have a bizarre image of my water breaking in Canadian, and having to load all of us up in the car, and getting Jaylee to someone, plus dealing with her going down the road while Daddy is driving 90 mph dodging the deer and me contracting and holding the "oh shit" handle in the car all the while. So.... I really think it's just best that I just remain an hour away from my Dr, along with several people here in town I can call to drop Jaylee off too, and just pray that Jeremy arrives on time, safe and sound!

So, today was hard to leave Jeremy. I really thought those days were over, temporarily, since it was summer, but then I realized that I wasn't going back there until the baby came! It was hard to leave... Of course he will be coming home on the weekends, what few we have left before her arrival! And I may sneak back up between the next two appointments....we'll just have to see! But it was still hard! We had such a great time this past week just being a family. We had our nightly suppers and play time afterwards---and it made me want that all over again. I guess growing up with family suppers every single night--you start taking it for granted after a while. Yet now, I appreciate it tremendously. Nothing makes me happier than a family supper together. Happiness used to be going shopping and buying a new pair of shoes, or clothes....now it's the little things that truly make me happy. Yet, you never realize it until you don't have it anymore.....

The 12 things you miss most during pregnancy....

I receive weekly e-mail updates from thebabycenter.com and occasionally they send random things to ponder or think about. This weeks e-mail was entitled "The 12 things you miss most during pregnancy". I felt the need to share this....and my thoughts on each of the 12 things...

#1 A Normal Sense of Smell
Ok, yes, your smell buds are little off during pregnancy, but I wouldn't go to the point of "missing" the normal ones. Some things do trigger nausea, but there are things that trigger nausea in me whether I'm pregnant or not...so I don't truly "miss" my sense of smell or the intensity of smells during pregnancy!

#2 Booze
"I'm not a drinker in the least, but I've been craving margaritas like they're the secret to life"
-copied from a girl named Jen (I couldn't agree more!)

#3 Off-Limit Foods
Honestly, the only one off-limit food that I've truly sort of craved is a tuna fish sandwich. But, I also feel that it was just normal to want one b/c my mother in law and I make ourselves one regularly on harvest instead of the nasty, traditional ham and cheese that we make for the boys! So this hasn't been a "big deal" either!

#4 Cute Shoes
Ok, some girls on this website quoted missing their stiletto heels or dress shoes...
My thoughts- I'd have to own a pair of stilettos to even remotely want to miss them! And dress shoes? Ha! Teachers who are "Real" don't wear uncomfortable shoes---and it's summer--- it's flip flops or nothing!

#5 Feeling Sexy
Bingo! There is nothing uglier than a naked pregnant woman! I don't care who you talk to or who you ask, if they tell you they think their wife is or if that person says that they think they look sexy pregnant-- they are LYING! Personally-- I can't stand maternity clothes and especially maternity bathing suits. I just feel that some things just shouldn't be "made" at all-- and a maternity bathing suit is one of them. God help me- yes I do own one--but nothing looks more like Shamu walking through the door than a pregnant lady in a swimsuit! That's like making a 2 piece bathing suit for plus sized women-- sorry--I just don't agree with it! Some things were MEANT to be COVERED!

#6 A Rocking Sex Life
LOL! That's all I have to say about that!

#7 Being Included
I have found that those that don't want to "include" you--just aren't your friends. If your friends/family truly want you to be there or go with them-- they alter their plans so you can! I haven't felt this way at all!

#8 Your Pre-Pregnancy Body
Ok- yes I miss it-- but it's also hard remembering what it was like as well!

#9 Emotional Control
Given my family's current lifestyle---I don't think you can blame pregnancy for the emotions. Of course, it definitely contributes, but my emotions were out of whack before I got pregnant and trying to go with the flow---I'm anxious to see how it goes after Jentri arrives!

#10 Caffeinating like you used to
Never was a caffeine addict---so this hasn't bothered me. I do have my occasional Dr. Pepper, but that's it. I've always bought decaffeinated tea bags, so that's not an issue either!

#11 Peaceful Sleep
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! I cannot even begin to think back to the last time I had a full night's sleep. It was before I was pregnant. I am up all the time during the night from either being restless, hip pain, practice contractions, needing a Tums, going to the bathroom, dealing with Jaylee when she wakes up, and on and on and on. I know it won't get better when Jentri arrives so I better just suck it up!

#12 Feeling Strong and Independent
Physically-- of course--- Emotionally-- I haven't been given the option to not feel strong and independent. My in laws are gone on harvest, my mother is working 5 hours away, my sisters are busy, my husband works from sun up to past sun down--- so I don't have a choice other than to be strong and independent!