Year Seven

I've often heard that "Seventh year of marriage is the hardest", but have always told myself "whatever- anything can be hard, but you have to get over it". However, I am here today, to admit, that indeed my friends, I have found truth in the saying.

This year of our marriage, has been far from perfect. To be brutally honest- it's been rough. Yes, we have moved to Canadian, I have such a better job, my kids are on the way to a better/higher education, the girls see their Daddy-everyday. But all of this is good, fine, and well, yet our marriage has seemed to struggle. It has been quite the adjustment of living, full time, with each other- and not only that but with two kids. Many of you know that distance was always a part of our relationship, and now that is no longer the case. When he used to come home from harvest, we'd always have a few weeks that were rough adjusting, and have one big fight, and then we were good. Now, it seems as if the arguing continues, and nothing is changing.

Our biggest struggle is hearing and understanding each other. Men are such simple minded human beings. Women on the other hand are completely opposite. It definitely is causing some tension and I'm trying very hard to deal/handle with it. Another problem is we have two kids now. Before kids we could beat to our own drums.....and now it's turned into us beating to the kids' drums. It's such a daily struggle.

After having kids- in some ways, it has deepened who we are as a couple. I have learned to love Jeremy in a way that I didn’t love him before our kids were born. I love him more because there is more OF him to love. Jaylee and Jentri are extensions of mine and his love. They are our love in the flesh. So, because I love them, I am able to love him more deeply than I did before. But, don't be mistaken- it's HARD. I am hard to love- and am very well aware of it.

If you were to see us in public you probably also wouldn't say "they are having problems". But, this wall is crumbling down. I'm tried of the struggle. I'm tired of the pretending. Most importantly- I'm TIRED.

I'm just confused. I'm tired of this feeling. I'm tired of wondering. I'm tired of begging for help. Bottom line- I'M TIRED. I feel as if our marriage is no longer top priority, to us. I feel as if our kids and our jobs are coming first. After both of us working full time jobs, plus being parents, then me trying to upkeep the house- how much would anyone have left for their spouse at the end of the day? It's tough. It's hard.

I have never been one to sugar coat things- or pretend as if everything is just a field of daisies. I hate people who daily/hourly talk about their "happy life" and "my sweet spouse this or that". If things were so great/grand...... why would you have to tell everyone? Wouldn't they be able to see it by your actions/body language instead?" A very wise person once told me- people will see you the happiest, when you tell them the least....it isn't about telling the world....it's about showing the world".

So- there's my daily spill. I'm struggling, We're struggling, and prayerfully things will get better. Knowing that other marriages struggle at the 7 year mark is what's getting me through at this point.